Exclusivity: Now or Later?
By Nina Atwood
How long should you date before you become exclusive? The answer is: it depends. The question is: what are you looking for? If you’re trying to date with no strings attached, then you can go for months, maybe even years. But if you read the SinglesCoach blog regularly, you know by now that it doesn’t work to date for a long time without a commitment. If your goal is a committed relationship leading to marriage, then exclusivity is a benchmark for progress toward your goal. Let’s look at how that works.
You meet someone you’re attracted to, and the feeling is mutual. You go out a couple of times a week for, let’s say, four weeks. Saturday night is date night and now it’s your night together, plus a couple of other evenings per week and maybe a Sunday spent together as well. Now, try to imagine that with this much time spent together, with your growing emotional intimacy, that the person you’re dating asks out or accepts a date with someone else. Do you hear that thud in the background? That’s your heart falling to the floor.
It doesn’t work to date at any level of intimacy without the cushion of exclusivity, bottom line. Here’s what you need to know to decide: a.) Is there mutual attraction, chemistry, and shared values? CHECK; b.) Are you both interested in dating with an eye toward marriage? CHECK; and c.) Are there any deal-breakers such as an active addiction? No? CHECK.
You’re ready to date exclusively if you checked all three. In the next post, we’ll cover the you and me conversation you need to move it to exclusive.
Entry Filed under: Dating,Relationships
