Dating Web Site Profiles: Truth or Fiction?
By Nina Atwood
Susan was excited about meeting Daryl. They’d met online at one of the big dating sites, talked on the phone a couple of times, and today was their first date – lunch on Saturday at a trendy restaurant. She walked in the door, spotted a hot guy waiting for someone, but when she queried “Daryl?” he shook his head no with a disappointed look. Two minutes later, Daryl walked in and Susan’s heart plummeted.
His profile said he was 6′ tall but he was actually an inch shorter than Susan, who stood 5’10” in her heels. His profile said he was height-and-weight proportionate, but his belly sagged far over his belt and he was clearly out of shape. Susan felt guilty for being turned off by Daryl’s looks, but the reality was that he wasn’t at all the man in person that his online profile had indicated.
Susan’s experience isn’t unique; a recent survey indicates that a significant number of both men and women lie about their stats online. Men tend to stretch their stats on height, while women tend to squeeze their stats on weight. It’s easy to see how tempting it is to fudge just a bit to make yourself sound more attractive, but how far should you go? And how much fudging should you tolerate when meeting others?
The answer, of course, is that it depends. It depends on how important it is to you to be truthful, even when telling the truth makes you vulnerable to rejection. Some people say that it’s okay to fib a little in your online profile because it gets people to the date. There, the argument goes, you have the opportunity to bond and make a connection with your sparkling personality. If you tell the truth online, you’ll chase away potential dates before you have a chance to bond.
This argument seems weak, for two reasons. 1. The people who are scared off by your truthful stats are the same people who would be turned off in person. 2. If you want the truth, you must tell the truth. Only then can you demand the same in return. So if you justify lying to others, you have no place to stand if you are deceived in return.
Since the most basic building block of relationships is trust, and since establishing trust demands honesty, being truthful in your online profile is a no-brainer. To do otherwise undermines the very basis for getting together in the first place – to explore the possibility of having a loving, trusting relationship.
Entry Filed under: Dating
