Cures for Neurotic Dating
By Nina Atwood
Neurotic daters, take heart! It is possible to change this pattern and to reap the rewards of a much more fulfilling life as a single while you search for that someone special. The very first step is to make the rock-solid commitment to be self-caring first, other-caring second. Like the flight attendant tells you on the plane, put on your oxygen mask first, then help the person next to you.
Second, before you date anyone new, put together your vision statement and clarify what you’re looking for in a person and in a relationship. [See Be Your Own Dating Service for how to put together your vision statement and non-negotiables] Get committed to your vision of what you want – infuse it with positive emotion and desire [not desperation].
Third, put into practice these self-care steps (look for ones you don’t already do, and implement):
- Spend “quiet time” each day in meditation, journaling, and reflection, always asking for insight into your highest and greatest good
- When you date someone you’re attracted to, practice mentally letting go of the outcome of the relationship at the end of each date
- Keep your vision statement in front of you at all times and be brutally honest with yourself about whether or not the person you’re dating fits what you’re looking for; don’t compromise
Fourth, get support for evaluating whether or not the people you date fit what you want. The minute you feel yourself walking on eggshells or trying too hard, STOP. Go get objective outside feedback from a trusted listener. Take what you hear to heart. Slow down, evaluate carefully with a focus on the big picture of your life. Then, go do the right thing for yourself and your future hapiness.
Entry Filed under: Dating,Personal Growth
