Clearing up Commitment Confusion
By Nina Atwood
If you are dating a commitment confused person, you have one possibility of turning the relationship around. It’s not easy, but it’s effective. First, take a stand within yourself. Decide and declare to yourself first that you are unwilling to settle for a relationship that does not include a real commitment. You must be willing to let the relationship go rather than compromise your commitment to YOU.
In order to attract commitment, you must be committed to you first. That’s how it works. Once you have accomplished this step, the opportunity for the other person to step up to the plate is now open. The next step for you is to communicate this in a loving manner, along these lines:
“[name], we’ve dated for [number] months, and I’ve experienced a great deal of joy and love with you. However, there’s one thing missing for me and it’s a deal-breaker if we can’t work it out. I want a committed relationship leading to marriage, and I’m unwilling to settle for anything less than that. I know you’ve been hurt in the past and you’re gun-shy, but I can’t do anything about the past. All I can do is offer you my love and commitment. Now it’s up to you to decide if you want that so we can move forward.”
Now that you’ve put it on the table, the fierce conversation (real, honest dialog) can begin. It’s critical that you don’t back down, even if the person says “I want space” or “let’s take a break.” Let him/her walk out the door with the message that you’re willing to take some time, but you will definitely move on if you don’t hear back soon.
Now, sit back and learn to be comfortable with you. Trust that with time and space, the person you love will come back with a real commitment. If that’s not what is right for you both in the long haul, you will have completion. You, by taking a stand for yourself, have set the stage for someone new to come along and offer you a real commitment. Trust that your right path will open up as a result of caring for you.
It’s not easy. But I’ve never seen this path fail for those who are courageous enough to take it. ALWAYS it leads to resolution for the current relationship OR a new relationship that is much more harmonious and joyful.
Entry Filed under: Relationships
