Boredom and Relationships
By Nina Atwood
Do you have a difficult time being alone? Do you feel bored if there’s nothing going on, if you have to just spend time with yourself? Do you get antsy, looking for hot, pulsing interaction? If so, you may have a low boredom threshold, meaning that you are easily bored. Most people when bored seek outside stimulation – call a few friends, try to stir up some action, get out, go find something to do. How does that affect your relationships?
Couples, once past the enchantment phase, settle down to everyday living. Over time, the early passion subsides to some degree, leaving you with less stimulation from your partner. For people with a low boredom threshold, this is a dangerous stage of the relationship. Bored, which may feel like a vague sense of dissatisfaction, you may seek outside stimulation by stirring things up – getting angry, antagonizing your mate, creating a little drama. Often this is done unconsciously, meaning that you feel compelled but don’t know why you’re doing it. If you repeat the behavior it may become a pattern – practice makes permanent. If this is your m.o., you may have noticed that other people eventually tire of the drama-rama.
The real issue with boredom is a lack of internal validation, meaning that you don’t really know yourself well. Recent studies show that people who are easily bored don’t know their own emotions or true desires and thus seek validation from other people or situations. The researchers likened it to falling into quicksand – all that thrashing about to gain stimulation from the outside takes you away from the solution – to know thyself.
If you want to have a loving, enriching, lasting relationship, start with yourself. Push YOU outside of your antsy comfort zone by consciously creating alone time and learning to be comfortable in that space. Recognize boredom as the false front that it is; see it as an indicator that you are out of touch with your own emotions and true desires. Invest in yourself – in the time that it takes to know yourself – and you will be far more prepared to relate to someone else in a productive manner. With a higher boredom threshold, you will be able to stop and acknowledge what’s really troubling you, express it to your partner without stirring up drama, and move forward.
Entry Filed under: Relationships
