The One Emotional Tool You Need to Succeed at Love
February 20th, 2015 - by Nina Atwood
Do you feel thwarted in love? Develop this one emotional tool and it will change everything. I know a wonderful guy. Jim is a very successful executive who absolutely loves his job helping to run a mid-sized company. He is a striking guy – tall, good looking, and fit. He’s super kind and considerate of others, one of the many reasons he is a great leader and his team reveres him so much. Jim will retire in his mid-fifties a multi-millionaire, hard earned and well deserved. One thing that Jim doesn’t have is a great relationship with a woman. He […] Read More...
If you’re setting intentions for the new year, this one may be your most important. There is ONE THING that will make this your best year ever for dating. I love HGTV, especially the house hunter episodes. Usually it’s a couple, searching for the perfect home for their family. Getting on the same page with the wish list is sometimes a challenge, but by the end of the show, they’re happily at home in their new abode. One thing all house hunters have in common is that they know what they want. They don’t randomly wander around looking at houses […] 
If you think sexting is cool, think twice. Reality check: sexting hurts you and him. Far too many women today think it’s okay for men to send them sexually explicit texts and messages, or to send them to men, and that is a real problem. Like my colleague, Dr. Keith Ablow, I do not buy the notion that women and men are no different from one another sexually, and that the newfound freedom of women today to hook up frequently with random men is a positive thing. Sexting dehumanizes relationships, rendering them to pornographic images on a small screen, devoid […] 
If you have ever felt devastated by rejection, you are not alone. Recent research shows why: our brains don’t know the difference between the emotional pain of being rejected and actual physical pain. Erin dated John for six months. While he was still checking her out, she was falling deeply in love. Finally, he couldn’t deny the reality: they weren’t on the same page, and it wasn’t going to change. So he broke up with her, giving her the typical dating-stuck-in-the-friend-zone excuse: that he just didn’t see it going anywhere. This, in spite of the fact that they’d been sleeping […] 
Before you hit “send” on that text, stop and think. You may be tanking a perfectly good relationship. Here’s how to keep your new love on the rails. Some people say you don’t need rules for texting – it’s anything goes. It’s a great tool and it’s easier than picking up the phone and calling, so why not use it in just about any scenario? I say, it IS a great tool, but like any tool, it can be used to build something or it can be used to tear something apart. When used the wrong way, texting can tank what might […] 
Before you dedicate yourself to changing a guy, take a look at these guy types. The one you want to rehab may be the one you can’t. There are four general categories of guy dating pain that you may encounter. One is a potential salvage job, one is potentially dangerous, and two are projects that you could spend a lifetime on and get nowhere. Here’s the difference. One: The commitment phobe. This is the guy who can’t comprehend settling down, but that doesn’t stop him from dating. The true commitment phobe has it wired this way: Commitment is PERMANENT, FOREVER, […] 
If you’re dating someone special and talking about living together, think twice. It may not be as good for you as you think. The other day I came home stressed out and my husband offered to give me a head and shoulder rub. What bliss! Not only did it feel good to my tense muscles, but as he rubbed, I felt my entire system calm down. I know without having to think about it that my husband loves me and is there for me. So that neck and shoulder rub wasn’t just physically therapeutic, it was emotionally therapeutic. And there […] 
According to the latest census research, the over age 50 crowd is now experiencing double the divorce rate of younger groups. The even more riveting subgroup is those over 50 who are remarried. The odds of divorce are 40% higher for people in remarriages, so the people most likely to divorce late in life are the ones who divorced and remarried earlier. I heard one recent news report that 40% of online daters today are over age 50. If you’re in that group, you are at significant risk for a rebound divorce marrying the wrong person, usually far too quickly, […] 
As a relationship coach I’ve heard lots of single men say some version of the following: I like her, she’s cute and all, but I don’t know . . . I’m just not feeling that strongly about her. But she keeps calling me and, well, it’s nice to have someone to go out with. But what I heard when they met “the one” was vastly different! Wow, she is amazing. It took me three tries to get her to go out with me, but once we did, things took off. We’ve been dating for a few months – yeah I […] 
I’m all for gender equality and partnership in marriage. My husband and I have that, yet we are also deliciously different. Those male/female differences are the reasons why – in the early stages of dating – it pays huge dividends to let a guy take the lead. Long ago as a budding therapist counseling singles, I thought that gender differences didn’t matter in dating relationships. I didn’t coach singles to understand or honor those differences, nor did I understand or honor them in my own dating life. Every time I took the lead – making the first moves, asking guys […] 
Are you dating someone new – say, less than six months? Are you wondering what kind of gift to give, and what to expect? What you do next could make or break your budding relationship. Here’s how to decide what is the right – and wrong – gift to give in a new dating relationship. First, stop and reflect: how involved are we at this point? Have you said “I love you”? Are you sleeping together, exclusive? Are you talking about future, meeting each other’s relatives? If you’re at this level of involvement, then your gifts should reflect it. For him: A […] 
It’s January, that time of year when we set new intentions and goals, but are you setting the kind of goals that will bring love into your life this year? It turns out there are some “do’s” and “don’ts” that can make a huge positive difference as you set your goals for 2014, especially if you’re ready to find love: Be intentional. It’s far too easy to let another year drift by, taking no particular action, and hoping something will magically happen to improve your love life. Setting powerful intentions frames your mindset and stimulates new behaviors. Set intentions such as […] 
Sixteen years ago, the holidays came around but I was not in a festive mood. Everywhere I looked, there were constant reminders of what was supposed to be happening in my life: happy couples strolling along in the mall, television commercials featuring the guy giving the girl a gorgeous diamond ring, not to mention those holiday songs of love. I was divorced, had broken up with my latest boyfriend, and what I wanted most for Christmas was for it to be over, already. I know firsthand what it feels like to feel left out, and that’s what most singles experience during […] 
There was a time when the most charming guy in the room got my attention. If he went out of his way to ply me with flattery, riveting his attention on me, I was hooked. I believed that charm, aimed at me, equaled real desire. And in my mind, that desire was fueled by the intention for a real relationship. I was so tempted, and I usually succumbed. Boy was I wrong! Now, my husband and I laugh about his opening line to me the night we met: “Hi, my name is Mark.” No charm, just a genuinely nice smile and […] 
If you love Dancing With The Stars like I do, you’re glued to the television on Monday nights this fall, cheering on your favorite celebrity contestants. But ballroom dancing isn’t just for the stars, it’s good for relationships. Did you know that ballroom dancing is good for the development of relationship skills even when you’re single? In this episode of Love Strategies, Nina explores the many ways that relationships are a lot like dancing, as well as the health benefits of ballroom dancing whether you are in a relationship or not. Leading and following are not just antiquated ideas your grandparents talked […] 
Does online dating result in a better marriage? For the first time, a new study reveals that online dating is no longer just for losers and misfits. It is a viable way to find a soul mate. In this podcast of Love Strategies, Nina looks at all the latest findings about online dating, the good, the not so good, and the great. Find out the top 3 reasons why online dating can increase your odds of a better marriage. Also in this show: what do you do when a guy (who seems normal and nice) doesn’t plan ahead? How do you handle […] 
A new study suggests that if you’re like “slutty Joan,” you’re going to get a worse rap from your female friends than “slutty Jim” will get from his buddies. Are sexual double standards still going on? What does it mean in your world? On this episode of Love Strategies, Nina discusses this dicey question, as well as your own sex life and how it impacts the rest of your life. Also on the show: does Facebook cause breakups? The short answer is: it depends; sometimes yes and sometimes no. Find out when it does and when it doesn’t and why. And what do you think about […] 
What happens when you meet someone who isn’t quite divorced YET? And that’s usually what they say: “I’m not divorced yet” instead of “I’m married.” Should you date that person or take a pass? If you choose to get involved, can it work? Should it work? There are layers to this issue, and we’ll unpeel them in this show. Also on this show: should you date someone who is not quite on your level? When you feel like you’re about to settle, it’s time to take step back and figure out what is driving your decision. The real issues behind […] 
Facebook is the social phenomenon of all of them: over the past nine years the user base has grown from one million to ONE BILLION! By now, almost everyone knows someone else who reconnected with a long lost lover from the past, or who met someone new and started an affair, using Facebook. In fact, we know that Facebook is the launch point for a high percentage of affairs. But what about breakups? Does Facebook contribute to breakups and divorces? The answer is: it depends. In some cases yes and in some cases no. A new study found that high levels […] 
Fourteen years ago when I met my husband, we were both failures. Relationship failures, that is. He was divorced twice and so was I. We were in our early forties, fearful of making another mistake, yet still hopeful that maybe this relationship would be the right one. We both had a healthy dose of skepticism, but we forged ahead. Good thing we did because meeting him has definitely turned out to be the best thing that has ever happened to me! If you are single and over forty, odds are you have at least one big relationship failure in your […] 
Why is the book Fifty Shades of Grey still topping the bestsellers list? Why is it such a huge phenomenon? What is the emotional chord that it touches in so many women? This Love Strategies show is all about the book and why it is that we - women - love Fifty Shades of Grey. It’s not what you think! It’s not just the sex, it’s the bad boy fascination. Also on the show - a brand new study that reveals what makes women so attracted to bad boys. You will be shocked at the answer to that age old question. Also on this episode of Love Strategies, […] 
Women ask me all the time: how can I meet someone who is ready for commitment? How do I find a guy who is actually interested in marriage, not just fun and games? My answer is simple but not easy: figure out what you need to do to attract a commitment minded guy. Some of that is the inner work you need to do so that you are not attracting emotionally unavailable guys. Good relationships are always an inside job. The rest of it is understanding what to do on your dates so that you set the stage for real […] 
What is an internet dating catfish? And how can you protect yourself from having your heart broken by one? The new reality show on MTV is “Catfish” – it’s two guys who investigate the online daters who fall in love, have relationships sometimes for years, without ever meeting the other person! This is a shocking deep look at something that has been going on for years, but about which you hear little. Here we’ll take a deeper look at it – why the victims allow it to happen, and why the perpetrators do it. Then, you’ll hear the three things you MUST do […] 
Dear Nina: I truly feel I’m addicted to my wife. We have been separated for 3 years and we have 3 children together that I have full custody of (yes I’m a male). She lives with another man, and still sees me and a third guy who is the reason we split up in the first place. I keep telling myself that I’m through, I’m done, yet find myself right back in the same situation a few days later. It’s a vicious cycle. I’m literally on the verge of complete insanity. I love her and I want our family back together. She claims she wants the same […] 
Did you know that too much materialism can kill your (future) marriage? A new study highlights the problems when one or both partners focus too much on having more things. We now know the personality traits that are associated with materialism, and with the downfall of marriages as a result. As a single person, you may want to know what to look for as you date and consider someone for marriage. There are clear signs in a new relationship that you may not be financially compatible. Since conflict over money (how to spend, save, and debt) is the number one reason […] 
