Are You a Female Love Addict?
By Nina Atwood
Stacy is attractive and vivacious; men like her and are instinctively drawn to her as a result. But every guy she’s fallen in love with has turned out to be emotionally unavailable in some way. She’s clung to them through emotionally exhausting ups and downs until they finally walk away for good. Stacy is a love addict.
Love addiction is a serious problem. For women, the way it manifests is usually different than the way it shows up for men. How many of these behaviors look familiar to you? If more than half of them do, you may be a female love addict:
- Though you tell yourself you don’t need a man, the minute you meet someone attractive who’s interested in you, you’re certain you’ve met “the one”
- You fall in love quickly and deeply with men you’re attracted to
- Once you fall in love, you think about him all the time and want to spend all of your time with him
- You’re upset if he doesn’t want to spend every available minute with you
- Whatever his lifestyle and beliefs are, yours quickly morph into his
- In the beginning of the relationship, you’re afraid to challenge him
- Later in the relationship, you resent his lack of consideration for your point of view
- The men you love always have a fatal flaw, such as being married, a player, an ex-con, a -holic [current or recovering] of some kind: sex, drugs, alcohol, work, a financial/career loser, geographically undesirable, or commitment phobic
- Despite your early gut feeling of anxiety, or the warnings of friends and family, you dive headlong into relationships that hold little possibility of long-term happiness
- Most of your time and energy in the relationship is consumed with trying to get him to change in some way: to divorce his wife, stop drinking so much, stop drugging, stop womanizing, or make a real commitment to you
- You’re depressed and anxious most of the time when you’re in a serious relationship, punctuated by brief periods of ecstasy when the two of you connect
- You grief heavily after a break-up, out of proportion to the event; you obsess about getting back together with him
- Your obsession with the old guy stops as soon as you meet a new interesting guy
- You don’t allow yourself any downtime between relationships to reflect and grow; serial monogamy is your m.o.
- Your life and your relationships are full of drama
- When a relationship doesn’t go the way you want, you are unable to step back, assess if it’s good for you, and move on when you need to; instead, you work harder to try to get it to go your way
- Your communication with the man you’re with is characterized by drama, tears, anger, and manipulation
- You often feel that your life is out of control, that too many bad things “happen to you”
If these things sound familiar, take heart. You can recover from love addiction. While it’s not easy, it’s actually quite simple. Stay tuned this week for the solutions.
Entry Filed under: Advice for Women,Relationships
